My son’s turning 22. Birthday wishes aren’t supposed to come freighted with a dark cloud and although I already had something written up it got scrapped. I’m keeping the same song though. Written and performed right here by John Sebastian for Francis Ford Coppola’s 1967 film of the same name, with the lyrics below, it’s “Your a Big Boy Now.” And despite a strong urge to “go there” and use a picture of the kids when they were eight and six, I’m keeping the same picture too. Not to get all bookish, but in addition to making a political statement the goals of terrorism, according to Robert A, Schwarz in his “Tools for Transforming Trauma” are to “disconnect people from resourceful positive states of consciousness and to connect them instead to non-resourceful fearful states of consciousness.” Nope not going there.
While most of us have been or will be exposed to life-threatening situations at some point in our lives, the carnage and destruction that comes with terrorism is truly traumatic, even when we’re not there. We are wise to avoid the sensationalized pictures and sound bites that come rushing from certain sources, at least after we’ve seen them three or four times. It’s far better to become educated on the situation by seeking factual information.
It’s also wise to realize that after the disbelief has passed, some semblance of disorientation and grief are sure to follow, as is the eventual need to reassess the world around us, along with our own beliefs, and re-establish life’s true priorities. All sound familiar? While it’s not always easy to cope with the results of a terrorist act in all its misguided insanity, if we’re able to garner a little resilience we may even discover an opportunity for reflection and personal growth.
By now it’s probably obvious that a sagacious (rather preachy) tack doesn’t come all that naturally, although it’s the one I’ve decided to adopt in order to offer my son some fatherly advice. Of course none of it’s outlandishly new. In fact it has been unashamedly pilfered from the WWW (I’m certain my sources don’t hold a copyright either)… but at least I’m not saying it was written by Kurt Vonnegut.
- Remember that advice is seldom welcome and those who need it most, like it least
- Watch a sunrise at least a few times a year
- Never take action when you are angry
- Make it a habit to say “Thank You”
- Make it a habit to say “Please”
- Over-tip breakfast waitresses
- Look people in the eyes
- Compliment three people each day
- Live beneath your means
- Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards
- Treat everyone you meet as you want to be treated
- Donate two pints of blood every year
- Make new friends but cherish the old ones
- Keep secrets
- Don’t waste time learning the tricks of the trade. Instead learn the trade
- Admit your mistakes
- Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference
- Choose a charity in your community and support it generously with your time and money
- Read this nation’s Bill of Rights
- Use credit cards only for convenience, never for credit
- Give yourself a year and read any great book you have always wanted to read cover to cover
- Give yourself a year and read the Bible cover to cover
- Learn to listen
- Pray not for things but for wisdom and courage
- Have good posture
- Enter a room with purpose and confidence
- Don’t discuss business in elevators
- Never pay for work before it’s completed
- Be willing to lose a battle in order to win the war
- Don’t gossip
- Beware of the person who has nothing to lose
- When facing a difficult task act as though it is impossible to fail
- Don’t spread yourself too thin
- Never underestimate the power of forgiveness
- Instead of using the word ‘Problem’, try substituting the word ‘Opportunity’
- Never walk out on a quarrel with your mate
- Regarding furniture and clothes, if you think you will be using them five years or longer, buy the best you can afford
- When you look back on your life you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did
- Forget committees. New, noble, world-changing ideas always come from one person working alone
- Street musicians are a treasure. Stop for a moment and listen, then leave a small donation
- When faced with a serious health problem, get at least three medical opinions
- Wage war against littering
- After encountering inferior service, food or products, bring it to the attention of the person in charge. Good managers will appreciate knowing
- Learn to say ‘No’ politely and quickly
- Park your car at the end of a row or under a light at the far end of a parking lot
- Never get into your car without looking into it first
- Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all he or she has
- Be bold and courageous
- Don’t expect life to be fair
- Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly
You’re a Big Boy Now
I know there’s things you never thought before
That have to do with walkin’ out old doors
You’ve been prepared as long as time allowed
Well I don’t know how
But you’re a big boy now
Come on and take a bow
Cause you’re a big boy now
You know the girls are taking notice of you
They say your hair is getting curly too
So shave today you’ll shave tomorrow as well
You’re run by you, and not a class-room bell
And I don’t know how
But you’re a big boy now
And the great big world daddy threw before you
With the pretty faces and the claws that tore you
And it’s all so different when you get to sources
And love will make you strong as a team of wild horses
I know there’s things you never thought before
That have to do with walkin’ out old doors
You’ve been prepared as long as time allowed
Well I don’t know how
But you’re a big boy now
Come on and take a bow
Cause you’re a big boy now
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